"So what are you thinking or feeling now?" she asked.
I sat there in the quiet boardroom, with my face in my hands. I could hear the muffled sounds of the rest of the office building going on with it's regular business things.
"I don't know," I said.
"I don't know?" she mimicked me gently.
I looked up and peeked at her, "I don't know. All I can think is the L word."
"Ooh boy," she shook her head.
"It scares me so much, how much this is affecting me. I don't know how to let go if that's what I have to do, because it is killing me right now even to consider not..." I flicked away a stray tear that found its way down my cheek.
"Do you think you should let go?" she asked.
I took a breath and considered how to phrase what I felt.
"It's like that Marie Kondo thing," I started.
"Huh? Marie Kondo?"
"You know how she has that system of purging things and keeping a minimalist, simple life..." I tried explaining. "Well it's like you consider what you have and how that thing makes you feel and if you can let it go."
She nodded at me.
"Well," I looked out the window lost in thought.
"Well that's the thing. It isn't what I may or may not have promised for tomorrow.
It's just that, when I think of him, when I am with him, when he's being whatever the hell he is even the most annoying version of himself, but when he is there with me....he sparks joy."
