Friday, April 04, 2014

Com·promise

On the topic of love, and that saying that says something along the lines of how in love you shouldn't try to change a person; I don't really agree.

I mean, it's like saying two people are going to be TOTALLY in tune with one another that there will be no need to change either, but to my mind that is a love that's more an arranged marriage. Because, in an arranged marriage that's what you are looking for, similiarities, compatibility, same upbringing, background, blah di blah bloo.

I don't deal that way. I ain't arranged marriage material. Never was, never will be. And that is why I would not expect my own love story to have to conform to these measures, moreover to these 'wise old sayings'.

Yes, of course, there is some sense in the saying. I understand that much and I'm not only going to let my innate contentiousness abolish my ability to comprehend that. I know that the saying means you love a person for who they are. Sweet and simple. I appreciate that. But then, as often happens, these philosophies become misinterpreted and exploited by those who feel it would benefit them.

Dear love. I don't want to change you. But I want to be able to maximize the benefits of living in you, and therefore in us. I don`t want to get into your very-personal space; and yes, sometimes it`s a very thin line to consider since in love, one would think there shouldn`t be any such boundary, nevertheless it is there. It is there simply because despite the graciousness of becoming one soul in two bodies, we are still somewhat hindered by the mere fact that we are two bodies, and two minds, and therefore, love and absolute togetherness aside, we are distinct individuals. So I get it, I am not trying to take over that space of yours where you can be you and breathe in your own being. But I am still going to want to help you become a better person - not only inside but outside as well.

The thing is, when you say you can`t change, won`t change, and that I shouldn`t ask you to, what you are doing is in effect asking ME to change. I have to change the things I want and have always wanted, the things I have been comfortable to, to let you be the way you want to be. To let you do the things you want to. Is that selfishness? Or does that indicate that we don't suit one another, or that we are absolutely incompatible? No, it certainly does not, because there are 928340234829 things that already prove that we are compatible, and this thing about love that just happens, and you can't explain it, means that these kind of weird obstacles are going to crop up because we are still in the process of learning and unearthing things about each other and about ourselves and about this one whole entity called us.

Of course we are going to have to change. We were someone totally different before we became us. And we continue to evolve into different people as each moment goes by, with each breath we take, with each word we say, with each thought we think. We change.

Maybe we shouldn't just look at it as strictly 'change'. Love means we learn to become a better person than we have been, as each moment goes by, with each breathe we take, with each step we take...together.

6 comments:

  1. I utterly and wholeheartedly agree!

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  2. change is only natural ... but change takes its own sweet time ... maybe evolve is a better word :D "im not gonna change so dont ask me to change ... but umm im evolving all the time"

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    1. Yup, that was the point of my conclusion! Change seems to be prompted by pressure and expectations whereas evolve seems the natural course of change via adaptation..

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  3. Whether arranged or love, there is change. It is very evident because accommodating another person in your day to day life takes some effort. Need not be big changes but there will be noticeable ones. I had a love marriage and my bestie had an arranged one. In both cases, we face the same thing, probably not same situations but the cause is the same. So the right thing to do is to accept the change and fine tune it so that it doesn't affect your core personality.

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    1. :) Each time you comment, the more I witness our similiarities..and I'm thoroughly enjoying it.

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