December

Now that it's near approaching the holiday season, I feel something inside me want to break out of my fragile eggshell bubble. I'm not sure if it is the lessening of workloads, or the way the congestion of traffic has slowed down. The increased empty seats on the commute to and from. Somehow, now, I kind of feel I can actually breathe. And I feel it has been a very, very long time.

We have all pulled away onto our own respective paths, all the while knowing deep down that we are always connected. I'm not sure if it was the cumulative effect of one being absent, and the other in reaction filling in that space with their own absence; a tumultous tidal motion of moving bodies all forming one wave, but never in the same place.

I feel, however, this has somewhat been a theme I have kept going over, again and again, each time I make an appearance here. Maybe it's just my repeated attempts to justify how far away I have pulled myself, maybe to soothe some unconscious  guilt within for failing to be there for whoever whenever they may have needed me, or maybe it's just something akin to the baby bird's beak tapping, tapping again and tap tap tapping to break free.

I feel the need to say I am sorry. And also to let you know that I miss you. I don't know why, I just feel the need to do it. Maybe we can blame it on my flu, and mixed up sensations and sensibilities churning away within me as my lymphocytes and whatnot are running about hunting and exorcising demons.

Blahhh. Anyways yo, it's holiday season! Happyyyyyyyyyyyy holidays, loveyall.