Me: You notice I've been wearing the first necklace you gave me everyday.
Him: Oh, I thought you didn't like wearing necklaces.
Me: Then why did you get it for me?
Him: I knew you would wear it.
Me: But you didn't notice me wearing it.
Him: Nope.
Never try to make sense of love.
YOU SEEM TO HAVE A FETISH FOR
Funny. (IT'S OK, WE WON'T TELL ANYONE)
Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
Saturday, December 12, 2015
Tuesday, April 07, 2015
Breakout
YESTERDAY- For some reason, my face had erupted into the moon. Overnight. All those bollywood 'chand' songs could now be dedicated to me. Y'all, begin. *poses*
Okay, well no. It's not thaaat bad, but for a person who relishes good skincare (...but then again, who doesn't?...) it was a problem for me. But you know how it is, when we find some little blemish on ourselves its a BIG deal, but noone else even notices. Right?
"WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FACE?" The accountant at work asked.
Wrong.
"Geez," I deadpanned, "that was so polite."
"No really, what happened to it?"
"I think my cat kissed me a few times too many, or pawed at my face with her dirty paws."
I'd take a picture for you, but.....no.
The problem was that it was basically a few...wait, for full disclosure, let me count for you....yep, four spots. And all on my right side. Which also correlates to the side of my face which my kitty nuzzles. Also the side where the accountant comes to sit when he attends my office.
But anyways, I figured it was Easter Monday. Noone was really hanging about. Traffic was sparse. The transit commute was sparse. I never really bump into anyone I know when I'm travelling normally, so noooo problem.
The bus stops at the town center. Girl gets on empty seat beside me. I'm reading on my tablet when my elbow is jogged a few times by this girl. That's when I notice she's not just being fat, but trying to get my attention.
"Hi, I know you right?"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DONT LOOK AT MY FACEEEEEEEEEEE!"
Well, to be honest, no I did not say that.
Not like that. It was like, "Great! I was hoping I wouldn't bump into anyone I know but now you've gone and did it, don't look at my face will ya, it's gone and had itself a breakout."
So I had to resort to preemptive measures and did what I could only do in this circumstance. I proceeded to yapyapyapyapyapyapyapyapyapyap. Hey, I knew her twenty years ago so there was a lot of ground to cover in the reuniting-comparing-contrasting-reminiscing-catchingup process. So I yapped so much in the short span of 3 and a half minutes that there was nothing more to say and I had successfully forestalled her by making her look the other way in fear that if she turned her head even a small fraction of an angle I would start again.
Then I got home and sank into the heaven that was washing my face with my Exfo-brusher rolling it with Yes-to-Tomatoes and dousing it with ACV. Phewww.
POSTED BY
Saturday, April 19, 2014
Baby Talk
Being the eldest child in the family had its advantages and disadvantages. With our rationed 'TV time', we often had the same hour slotted when we three would sit in front the telly, and however older I grew, my genre was still restricted to minimal growth because the younger ones could not watch what would have been deemed 'tween' appropriate, while still toddlerish themselves. So while my own cohorts were watching Saved by the Bell and all the other cool shows with real kids I was relagated to sticking to watching, what we called, 'baby shows'.
When I think about it, I couldn't even put a finger on how they were called this -- it just seemed the natural nomenclature that we just always called children shows. And in calling them 'baby shows' we didn't even really distinguish the two words; to our minds, it was one word, the label itself, that was the descriptor; we didn't pause to think it was really two independent words, 'baby' and 'shows' and moreoever, the first meaning we were...babies. It was just 'babyshows' and that meant the cartoons and puppety-type children programs we grew up watching.
Likewise, as the original leader - by default of age (advantage)- of us siblings, I had cultivated a whole sibling vocabulary that was totally exclusive to only us. And remembering and ruminating on their origins also totally amuses and mystifies me. For example, high heels were only known to us as 'cracking shoes'. And bras, to our innocuous minds yet to be filled with universal labels and names, were declared to be called 'booby patches'!
I have to admit, I look back at my younger self with great amusement, but lots of pride. I am constantly amazed at my capacity for random creativity and ingenuity at such a young age. When I think of that younger me, I almost can't recognize her as the same me who is I right now, it's almost like this little bundle of imagination who is another child altogether, and a child I feel total love and protectiveness and a sort of internal craving to have a child of my own just like her.
POSTED BY
Friday, July 19, 2013
And that's how the fight started..
(More for the guys) 
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
'No,' she answered.
I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'
... She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started...
________________________________
I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And that's when the fight started.....
_____________________________
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school
reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his
drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking
right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he
hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?"
And then the fight started...
________________________________
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat,
making beer.. Always something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing
scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into
the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again
I handed her a toothbrush.
I said, "When you finish cutting the
grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
_____________________________
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust."
And then the fight started...
________________________________
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the
boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential
downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather
would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back;
now with a different anticipation,
and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
And that's how the fight started...
_______________________________
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started......
______________________________
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply
for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me
for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets
and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that
I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped
your pants. You might have gotten disability too.'
And then the fight started...
________________________________
My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you
to pay me a compliment.'
I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
And then the fight started........
________________________________
I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!
The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!
He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!'
So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'
That's how the fight started.
________________________________
One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot
as a Christmas gift...
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
'No,' she answered.
I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'
... She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started...
________________________________
I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And that's when the fight started.....
_____________________________
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school
reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his
drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking
right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he
hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?"
And then the fight started...
________________________________
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat,
making beer.. Always something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing
scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into
the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again
I handed her a toothbrush.
I said, "When you finish cutting the
grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
_____________________________
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust."
And then the fight started...
________________________________
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the
boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential
downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather
would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back;
now with a different anticipation,
and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
And that's how the fight started...
_______________________________
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started......
______________________________
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply
for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me
for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets
and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that
I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped
your pants. You might have gotten disability too.'
And then the fight started...
________________________________
My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you
to pay me a compliment.'
I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
And then the fight started........
________________________________
I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!
The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!
He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!'
So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'
That's how the fight started.
________________________________
One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot
as a Christmas gift...
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.
POSTED BY
Monday, July 15, 2013
How do you decide who to marry?
(written by kids)
A group of young kids were asked how to decide who to marry and here are the results which are pretty amusing.
HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
(1) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
- Alan, age 10
(2) No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with.
- Kristen, age 10
WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
(1) Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
- Camille, age 10
(2) No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.
- Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age)
HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
(1) You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
- Derrick, age 8
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
(1) Both don’t want any more kids.
- Lori, age 8
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
(1) Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
- Lynnette, age 8 (isn’t she a treasure)
(2) On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that Usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
- Martin, age 10
WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
(1) I’d run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
-Craig, age 9
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
(1) When they’re rich.
- Pam, age 7
(2) The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that.
- Curt, age 7
(3) The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It’s the right thing to do.
- Howard, age 8
IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
(1) I don’t know which is better, but I’ll tell you one thing. I’m never going to have sex with my wife. I don’t want to be all grossed out.
- Theodore, age 8
(2) It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)
HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN’T GET MARRIED?
(1) There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there?
- Kelvin, age 8
And the #1 Favorite is……..
HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
(1) Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.
- Ricky, age 10
(courtesy dailynewsdig.com)
A group of young kids were asked how to decide who to marry and here are the results which are pretty amusing.
HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
(1) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
- Alan, age 10
(2) No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with.
- Kristen, age 10
WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
(1) Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
- Camille, age 10
(2) No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.
- Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age)
HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
(1) You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
- Derrick, age 8
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
(1) Both don’t want any more kids.
- Lori, age 8
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
(1) Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
- Lynnette, age 8 (isn’t she a treasure)
(2) On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that Usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
- Martin, age 10
WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
(1) I’d run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
-Craig, age 9
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
(1) When they’re rich.
- Pam, age 7
(2) The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that.
- Curt, age 7
(3) The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It’s the right thing to do.
- Howard, age 8
IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
(1) I don’t know which is better, but I’ll tell you one thing. I’m never going to have sex with my wife. I don’t want to be all grossed out.
- Theodore, age 8
(2) It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)
HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN’T GET MARRIED?
(1) There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there?
- Kelvin, age 8
And the #1 Favorite is……..
HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
(1) Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.
- Ricky, age 10
(courtesy dailynewsdig.com)
POSTED BY
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Monday, May 20, 2013
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Back to School 4
"Oh my god!" Layla squeaked. "The police are here! Why? What did you do?" She quickly threw the gun at Nerdy and wiped her hands on her skinny jeans.
"Wait!" Nerdy caught the gun reflexively. "What did I do?"
"Yes, duhh. You're the one with the gun." Layla looked up at the ceiling, twirling a strand of hair.
"Hey...Wait a darn minute! I didn't do anything! This is your gun." Nerdy dropped the gun quickly. "Don't try to blame me now Diyahh. One second ago you were trying to shoot me down for ignoring you and now you're going to let me get arrested?"
"All I know is I am innocent." Layla sidled up to a window and peered out. "I got things to do, Hollyoaks to watch, I can't afford getting arrested."
"Oh and you think I don't have anything better to do? So what to I tell the police? Oh okay, I'm sorry this has Layla's fingerprints all over the gun and the fact there are so many eye witnesses to report that they saw LAYLA shoot the gun numerous times, but I'm the one you must arrest because Layla has to watch Hollyoaks? Yeah I'm so sure that will work."
"Yes, eggzakly!" Layla rummaged in her bag and pulled out her phone.
Nerdy shook his head and peered out a window. There were swarms of police cars outside, lights flashing and crowds of students and faculty behind the barricade of cruisers. Nerdy ran a hand through his hair. Holy shmoly, how did I get into this? There is no way I can explain myself out of this. They'll take me in for...for what? I was the one who was shot AT! Ahhhhhh. This is a storm out the door moment and I can't even do that without getting arrested!
Nerdy turned around again from the window. And slapped his forehead.
Layla was singing and dancing away to music on her phone. "Lets do it do it do it! I wanna dancee! And lovee! And dance againnnn. I wanna danceeee and love and dance again! La la la! Dance, YES! Love, next! Dance, yes, love next! La la la!"
POSTED BY
Back to School 3
"Woman! What are you doing with a gun on campus?" Nerdy got up tenderly. "This has to be a bad dream. I thought Beedi Basanti was just a joke. Same with your gun. Don't tell me you took it all seriously." He started checking himself for injuries.
"What do you mean? You mean you're not my friend?" Layla pouted. "You mean you don't take all of this seriously? What am I? A fool? It's a pellet gun anyway, since you're so worried." She rolled her eyes.
"You liedddddd to me! I will shoot your feet out right now!" She aimed her gun towards his shiny black Oxfords.
"Whoaa! Hold on," Nerdy held up his hands.
"Tell me why you ignored me!" Layla shot at the ground. The sound blasted throughout the large lecture room, and the students straggling in screamed and ran out.
"Tell me!" She aimed again and a window cracked.
"Diyaaaahhhhh!! Calm down!" Nerdy entreated her, his arms still up in the air.
"No! This is so cool," and to his astonishment, Layla started giggling.
"You can't fool around with a gun Diyah! This isn't a game!" Nerdy tried approaching her.
POW! "No! You stay back you traitor! I thought you were so damn fit and you tried covering your face and ignoring meeeeh!"
"Ok ok, I'm sorry Diyah I wouldn't ever ignore you..I was just shocked. I didn't expect to see you here."
"Well truth is out now, you saw me and you tried to run away! Now you have no choice, you have to do what I say now."
"Err Layla.. err Diyah.. I have a class to teach in the next few minutes.. If you don't mind..."
"You're not going anywhere until I say so. By the way, I thought you said you own a club and that's your job. What you playing at man?"
"Err, if you paid attention to the class, you will recall that I said I'm guest lecturing...I was asked to share some of my business experience and acumen.."
"Don't use big words and try to lieee to mee!" Layla shot at the ground again.
"Be careful Lulu. You might run out of bullets, then what will happen?" Nerdy smiled at Layla.
"Nothing will happen. I got lots of bullets in my bag, see?" She opened up her bag that was filled with bullets and makeup.
"What happened to your books and pens and stuff? Like, school stuff?" Nerdy looked askance at her bag.
"Who needs-"
"THIS IS THE POLICE! WE HAVE YOU SURROUNDED! DO NOT TRY TO ESCAPE! I REPEAT, THIS IS THE POLICE! WE HAVE YOU SURROUNDED."
"Whoaa! Hold on," Nerdy held up his hands.
"Tell me why you ignored me!" Layla shot at the ground. The sound blasted throughout the large lecture room, and the students straggling in screamed and ran out.
"Tell me!" She aimed again and a window cracked.
"Diyaaaahhhhh!! Calm down!" Nerdy entreated her, his arms still up in the air.
"No! This is so cool," and to his astonishment, Layla started giggling.
"You can't fool around with a gun Diyah! This isn't a game!" Nerdy tried approaching her.
POW! "No! You stay back you traitor! I thought you were so damn fit and you tried covering your face and ignoring meeeeh!"
"Ok ok, I'm sorry Diyah I wouldn't ever ignore you..I was just shocked. I didn't expect to see you here."
"Well truth is out now, you saw me and you tried to run away! Now you have no choice, you have to do what I say now."
"Err Layla.. err Diyah.. I have a class to teach in the next few minutes.. If you don't mind..."
"You're not going anywhere until I say so. By the way, I thought you said you own a club and that's your job. What you playing at man?"
"Err, if you paid attention to the class, you will recall that I said I'm guest lecturing...I was asked to share some of my business experience and acumen.."
"Don't use big words and try to lieee to mee!" Layla shot at the ground again.
"Be careful Lulu. You might run out of bullets, then what will happen?" Nerdy smiled at Layla.
"Nothing will happen. I got lots of bullets in my bag, see?" She opened up her bag that was filled with bullets and makeup.
"What happened to your books and pens and stuff? Like, school stuff?" Nerdy looked askance at her bag.
"Who needs-"
"THIS IS THE POLICE! WE HAVE YOU SURROUNDED! DO NOT TRY TO ESCAPE! I REPEAT, THIS IS THE POLICE! WE HAVE YOU SURROUNDED."
POSTED BY
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Back To School 2
"WHAT are you doing here Nerdyyy?" Layla exclaimed with her hands on her fists.
to be continued
It was after class, a class that went along rather awkwardly with the teacher and the crazy girl at the front staring at one another throughout. Worried, confused and a bit scared on the part of the teacher.
Still confused, Mr. Nerdy Khan packed up his laptop and looked at the crazy girl. "Sorry? I don't believe we've met before..."
"Check your class list then MISTER Nerdyy! I can't believe this! Are you seriously kidding me? You're Nerdyy! There is no one else with this name on the planet! There can't be!"
"Well, err I would hope not. Ask my parents about the name if that's your issue miss.. It's on my birth certificate."
"No! Don't you know what this means? This means you're Romeyo! MY Romeyoo!" Layla insisted, blocking his way.
"Miss, I might have to call security if you don't remove yourself from my way" Nerdyy licked his lips nervously. Great, first day I'm teaching here and the first girl has to be a crazy Shakespeare Juliet wannabe! UK really is full of crazy people!
"Nerdy, listen to me. I am Layla!"
"Juliet, Layla, Sohni, Heer...I'm very sure that its all you miss. I'm not going to argue, but if you please..."
"NO! Layla! Beedi Basantii Laylaaaaaaa!! Oh my god."
"Layla?" Nerdy stared, astounded.
"Yes!!" Layla grinned at him.
"Oh my god, its Layla!" Nerdy looked around panicked, and grabbed a book and tried covering his face and walking past her.
"What the -" Layla frowned. "Are you ignoringggg meehhh?"
Make it to the door, make it to the door, egress ahead, escape escape! Nerdy zeroed into the door.
And fell flat.
"Ow?" Nerdy rubbed his head and sat up. "What the hell was that?"
"That," Layla smirked "Was my handgun. Dhisum dhisum. Remember? You all just laughed at mee!"
to be continued
POSTED BY
Monday, September 10, 2012
Back To School 1
"Oh my god!" Layla gasped, "He is so damnn FINEEEEEE!"
Layla was standing in the doorway of her second class of the day. She continued ogling for a few seconds, until someone pushed her from behind and she suddenly came to her senses, realizing that the rest of the class were waiting behind her trying to get in.
"OH MY GOD!" She froze as they all pushed through, and she spun back out the door, leaning on the wall, holding her heart. "Oh god, my hair! My lip gloss!" She quickly rummaged through her bag and pulled out her compact and checked her appearance. When she was satisfied with what she saw, she straightened her back and walked into the class as any model on the ramp would do.
"Errr miss? You're late," said the man standing at the front of the class. Layla kept walking purposely, concentrating on the invisible straight line she knew models had to walk on.
"Miss! Errrr," he tapped her shoulder and just then Layla realized, he was talking to her! Flustered, she lost concentration and tipped over in her 6 inch heels, losing her balance. "Aahhh!"
Silence? She opened her eyes and was looking straight into his soft brown eyes. "Oh my god," she thought to herself. "I'm in his arms!" She pulled her arms around him tighter and smiled up at him.
"Miss, I've got a class to teach, if you don't mind..." He pulled her up and let her go.
"Oh!" Layla looked around and realized the whole class was staring in silence. "Oops, I'm sorry. Are you the professor?"
"Err, yes, sort of. So if you don't mind, let's get started?" He smiled at her, gently but politely, and then turned to the board.
Layla stood there for a few seconds checking him out, then as he turned around again with an eyebrow raised, she looked around quickly and took a seat right in the front row, smiling at him demurely.
She opened up her notebook and wrote inside "OMG HE IS HOT!! Hot teacher!! This is my favourite class!"
She looked up at the sound of his voice. "Okay class, I'll be covering a few sessions of this class as a guest teacher, and I've written my name on the board for those of you who want to write it down..."
Layla turned to a fresh page and then looked up again to copy the name.
SKREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!
The class jumped at the sound of her chair being pushed back suddenly and rudely. Layla was on her feet, and staring in shock at the name on the board.
"What the cappucino?" She threw a look at the teacher and stared again at the name. "Are you kidding meeeeeee? Holy espresso!"
She stared at the name on the board, "Mr. U. Nerdy Khan"
to be definitely continued
Layla was standing in the doorway of her second class of the day. She continued ogling for a few seconds, until someone pushed her from behind and she suddenly came to her senses, realizing that the rest of the class were waiting behind her trying to get in.
"OH MY GOD!" She froze as they all pushed through, and she spun back out the door, leaning on the wall, holding her heart. "Oh god, my hair! My lip gloss!" She quickly rummaged through her bag and pulled out her compact and checked her appearance. When she was satisfied with what she saw, she straightened her back and walked into the class as any model on the ramp would do.
"Errr miss? You're late," said the man standing at the front of the class. Layla kept walking purposely, concentrating on the invisible straight line she knew models had to walk on.
"Miss! Errrr," he tapped her shoulder and just then Layla realized, he was talking to her! Flustered, she lost concentration and tipped over in her 6 inch heels, losing her balance. "Aahhh!"
Silence? She opened her eyes and was looking straight into his soft brown eyes. "Oh my god," she thought to herself. "I'm in his arms!" She pulled her arms around him tighter and smiled up at him.
"Miss, I've got a class to teach, if you don't mind..." He pulled her up and let her go.
"Oh!" Layla looked around and realized the whole class was staring in silence. "Oops, I'm sorry. Are you the professor?"
"Err, yes, sort of. So if you don't mind, let's get started?" He smiled at her, gently but politely, and then turned to the board.
Layla stood there for a few seconds checking him out, then as he turned around again with an eyebrow raised, she looked around quickly and took a seat right in the front row, smiling at him demurely.
She opened up her notebook and wrote inside "OMG HE IS HOT!! Hot teacher!! This is my favourite class!"
She looked up at the sound of his voice. "Okay class, I'll be covering a few sessions of this class as a guest teacher, and I've written my name on the board for those of you who want to write it down..."
Layla turned to a fresh page and then looked up again to copy the name.
SKREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!
The class jumped at the sound of her chair being pushed back suddenly and rudely. Layla was on her feet, and staring in shock at the name on the board.
"What the cappucino?" She threw a look at the teacher and stared again at the name. "Are you kidding meeeeeee? Holy espresso!"
She stared at the name on the board, "Mr. U. Nerdy Khan"
to be definitely continued
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Wednesday, September 05, 2012
Layla Makes Her Mark
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| Beedi Basanti opens her stall today after much demand from the students at University. |
Beedi Basanti hits the books with a 'dabangg'.
World Press
London, UK - While many students are doing last minute back to school shopping, UK's famed Beedi Basanti is all set to open up her newest and hottest location of her trademark corporation with a quaint little go-to stall on campus.
"Beedi Basanti is the thing now," says economic aficionado Ustad Nerdyy Khan. "She's employing a remarkably great marketing technique, "KISS: keep it simple stupid", and she is making a niche in an industry, for lack of a better word, that's never seen the likes before. Of course, I've got a err personal interest so I'm probably not the best person to ask."
Layla Basanti used the time away from university on her holidays marketing herself. Within three months, her "in your face" campaign has brought her contacts and contracts from all over the world.
"You can't meet Layla and ever forget her. She's so incredibly annoying when she wants to be, that you can't ever try to forget her. She won't let you," says newly acclaimed international chef Invisible Smoke. "The first few times I'd seen her around, I wanted to pull out my hair. She was always in your face with her rakhis and beedis and agarbatti. I couldn't believe anyone could be so annoying. But then you realize she's so loveable. Then you sort of miss her when she's not there."
Almost like the effects of the beedi. And it doesn't stop there. The demand for Beedi Basanti products has soared over the three months it's been going out by word of mouth. Statistics are showing that it's not just local, but Beedi Basanti has reach from Africa to India and all the way in good ol' America.
And she doesn't have to worry about licensing or the legal authorities. Layla has contacts extending right into the upper echelons of government agencies. Not that she needs to bribe anyone; she's down by the book, and she intends to stay that way. The question is, which book? Layla unfortunately wasn't available to comment.
"She's a good kid," says Layla's brother, "Rinka" Flickering Bulb during a smoke break. "Don't bother her with questions. She has to focus on her studies. And making friends at uni."
Why friends? "She has to find me her bhabhi."
You can follow Layla on her blog @ queenlayla.blogspot.com.
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