Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Redemption

This morning I woke up feeling as if I had finally got the rest I'd needed for a very, very long time. Ironically (or perhaps not; for, it shouldn't be such a surprise by now), the sun was up and bright. It was as if the weather, which had been fluctuating crazily over the past few weeks (or was it months?) without knowing what it was supposed to be or do, had been mirroring my mental state.

The past week I had this very strange tender skull. The right back side throbbed at times, and it was extremely tender to touch. I've had tender skull moments previously, but this was something almost alarming. Again, quite uncannily, I woke up this morning, and it was gone. I woke up feeling like I was reborn - which sounds dramatic, but cannot be closer to the truth, considering that the past two days I've felt like I was an empty shell just walking, 'undead'.

I watched Life of Pi last night. I know, it's about time. I couldn't help but stare in wonder - not at the graphics and amazing filmography, but at how close it ran parallel to my own life. I've always had a fascination with Pi, and since very young have always rambled off the digits with ease. Pi, the mathematical term, was and continues to be a source of amazement and fascination to me. It's one of those things that you cannot debate is somehow 'eternal'. It goes on forever, and yet so often in life itself, we debate the idea of anything being 'forever'. We've shunned the idea because of our sense of mortality, and we've associated the catch-phrase of 'love forever' to be something just said, and not true. I believe in a forever, and this is something I can't ever define or explain, nor provide proof of. But the continuity of Pi, a measurement without measure, gives me a tiny peep into that portal of forever.

Likewise, Pi, growing up, embraced all (well not literally all) religions. This is something I can entirely relate to, for it's something I have and continue to do. The moment his father said believing in everything is the same as believing in nothing - I was protesting in my head, HELL NO. There is no way that could be even right (ok I admit there could, possibly, be ways; however). Belief in itself is a factor that gives you a reason to hope - and I realize there's some overlapping between belief and hope, but I contend that while they are similar they remain separate.  The tendency to embrace all beliefs opens up a whole new level of tolerance and insight. While it does not seem quite abstract and indiscriminatory, sort of naive, it's still better and definitely not the same as believing in nothing.

And there's one last thing I want to record -- today coming to work, I spotted a peregrine falcon stuck in a tree. It had a plastic bag wrapped around it's claws and one wing was stretched out stuck and entertwined with some plastic and branches. It was sorrowful, to say the least, but also brought to mind how amazing and random life can be. I knew it was a peregrine falcon simply because that's one of my favourite animals, and also because as one of those endangered species it was one close to heart. So imagine my amazement realizing that here I was - at this specific time and place and witnessing a rare sight. I hope that it got saved.

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