Monday, May 14, 2012

Heartbreak Warfare

It is one of those weird singularities of our species. A heart can break and still keep going, in perfect working condition. Because of the relative redundancy and impracticality of the phrase, one might wonder where it even came from and why it is even in use, however pondering about it for a few seconds you already know why. It's a common phenomenon that occurs to almost every single person born into this world, and sooner or later the experience itself denies even explanation.

Wikipedia defines: A broken heart (or heartbreak) is a common metaphor used to describe the intense emotional pain or suffering one feels after losing a loved one, whether through death, divorce, breakup, physical separation, or romantic rejection.

It's weird, isn't it? It's all about what goes on in your head and somehow it's the heart that breaks. And weirdly, even though all the heart does in essence is pump blood, when your heart breaks sometimes it strangely feels like it's hurting. A pain just spreads outward and seeps into every pore of your being; your heart hurts, your head hurts, your very bones hurt - to the very tips of every finger and in every breath that you take.

It is very fascinating, this connection between the mind and the body. And it makes you wonder, since it's all entangled with this idea called love, if perhaps it's all connected to the soul. Can the soul hurt? 

Even as I write this, I skim through Wikipedia's excerpt on the broken heart and I come across this piece:

For many people having a broken heart is something that may not be recognized at first, as it takes time for an emotional or physical loss to be fully acknowledged. As Jeffrey Moussaieff Masson states:

"Human beings are not always aware of what they are feeling. Like animals, they may not be able to put their feelings into words. This does not mean they have no feelings. Sigmund Freud once speculated that a man could be in love with a woman for six years and not know it until many years later. Such a man, with all the goodwill in the world, could not have verbalized what he did not know. He had the feelings, but he did not know about them. It may sound like a paradox — paradoxical because when we think of a feeling, we think of something that we are consciously aware of feeling. As Freud put it in his 1915 article The Unconscious: "It is surely of the essence of an emotion that we should be aware of it. Yet it is beyond question that we can 'have' feelings that we do not know about."

I have been of the opinion that certain things happen to us so that we may learn; and if we do not learn, they repeat until we do. I have approached hardships with the belief that if it hasn't been working for me thus far for whichever mode of operation I had been employing, perhaps it is time to change my approach. For all those young crushes gone unrequited and resulted in forlorn poems, or the times we've fooled ourselves that infatuation was love, or that we fell in love just for the sake of experiencing love itself without regard to the person it was applied to, or perhaps just those friendships that made you wish for more, or you end up fooling yourself that the something more is there, and in any case ended badly, perhaps all those little moments of heartbreak gear you up for the real thing. So that maybe one day when your heart really breaks, you won't shed a tear. But then again, would that be a true heartbreak?

And what a headache all this nonsense about heartbreak is. Makes you really wish we were all robots. Then you can't have feelings. "What feelings?" No feelings, no pain. No time wasted in sobbing your heart out, no time wasted in sleepless nights, no getting choked up with random thoughts or being depressed and unproductive.

I've been thinking that to be heartbroken is a form of self-pity. I mean, it's just because you wanted something and you didn't get it - so it's your own selfishness that's doing the crying, right? We could give ourselves the same pep-talk we'd give anyone else "Get up, move on, it'll all be better in no time, have faith!"  and yet we refuse to entertain such thoughts because we want to feel that pain.

If we didn't, we'd be letting go of that which we wanted all too easily and all too soon. We want to jump into the mud and cover ourselves so that it's obvious to anyone looking that we're distraught and maybe that someone we wanted to love us would have pity. "Oh, are you really unable to live without me? Geegollygosh. Okay then I shall grace you with my presence for ever lasting eternity, just so you're not in pain."

Then comes that issue of love being unconditional and selfless. That it's for the sake of their happiness, not yours. We so then "let go", but all the while listening to every sad song and thinking morbid thoughts, and sometimes even become micro-stalkers. "I've let go, but hey they've GOT to see my pain." I mean, they caused it after all.

Nuh uh. In most cases, our own stupid feelings pretty much did. If it were their fault it wouldn't even be half as hard to let go. They cheated on you? Good riddance! They lied to you? Good riddance! You never needed such rubbish in your life anyway. But when it's unbearable and your heart is breaking in 293141592653 pieces, usually its because you broke your own heart. You let yourself believe in more than  existed and you let yourself dream beyond what you ought to have.

But then again, if every single person has experienced this phenomenon, there ought to be various different accounts of it. Imagine the vast library that could be produced if every single person wrote about every heartbreak they experienced. That's just the beauty about feelings, they provide fuel for paintings, words, songs, poems, stories and - hey, whaddya know-  even blogs.


  1. 'tis better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all :D

  2. There are few things in this post which particularly struck me.
    One was where we cover ourselves with mud. Why not? Sometimes that works you know. Sometimes when you dont do that people may think you are too cold. Sometimes people look for that as reassurance. You can argue that if they do, you dont need that kinda love coz they have not understood you. But they are as human as we are, unless they keep doing it every 2 weeks....

    And about unconditional love and selfishness. Can you tell me one act in this world which a person does, which is not selfish? If you leave them for their own good, its coz u will be happy to see them happy --> selfish. If you dont leave them coz u r possessive --> selfish. My point is, there is nothing wrong in being selfish. well, not too selfish. And then about our own expectations. Ridiculous. Lord Buddha said "Desire is the root of all sorrows"...but do u really think this life would be worth living if nobody had no desires?

    All I want to say is dont give up too easy. Cover in mud or kill your ego or be selfish or do whatever u can. Coz life never gives you a reset button. And time is not a perfect neuralyzer. True story.

    1. :D I'm amazed, but I shouldn't be lol. You pretty much hit it on the head.I tend to argue the things I don't believe in for the sake of arguing, by pulling out that "cynical" side that I usually keep at bay.

      I FULLY agree with your first paragraph. Especially "sometimes people look for that as reassurance". "Covering ourselves with mud" sometimes gets manifested in many ways, it doesnt have to be the obvious symptoms; sometimes even in poetry or blogs lol. Sometimes it isn't voluntary, you really can't help the anguish that comes from a broken heart.

      As for your observations about selfishness - you hit my frequency right on again. One of my "IQ quotes" is as such "Selflessness is the highest form of selfishness" and you've explained that yourself. :)

      All I want to say is....thank you. (:

  3. I agree with you.

    I think the pain that follows heartbreak is an illusion created intentionally by the person who's been heartbroken. They want to pity themselves, and I think they really want to display themselves as completely broken to others, so that they can gain some sympathy, and fill in the emptiness of the person who's left with love from the people who are still there.

    ........Humans are complicated :/ Every thought somehow connects with both the mind, and heart. As you said, the hearts job is basically pumping blood, but somehow it's been given emotions as well...

    And great post by the way, really thought-provoking ☺

    1. Yeah. I have a bad tendency of arguing the other side. I'm so much into letting myself go into my own dreamland and I'm a stolid hopeless romantic, but sometimes you hit a bump - maybe a thought, maybe something else - that makes you think and think again and you end up questioning whatever you find yourself so fully believing in... "Humans are complicated" *sigh*

  4. “Love comes to those who still hope even though they've been disappointed, to those who still believe even though they've been betrayed, to those who still love even though they've been hurt before.”


    =] " What filthythings you suggest? " ^^