Good morning world!
It just occurred to me that it is not the case wherever most of you are reading this. It will most likely be the afternoon, evening or even the eerie hours of the night, wherever and whenever you all choose to read this. No problemo, it is MY blog afterall and I'm writing this down for my own record of my experiences so you all are going to share my lovely morning with me.
By now you're probably well acquainted with the waxing and waning of emotion that go along with my day to day personal narratives. Sometimes so full of exuberance, and sometimes so bereft of it. I have freaked out friends who, familiar with my optimistic side, are faced with a cynical side they've never encountered.
Well there is absolutely NO room for any negativity today because it is my my favourite number and favourite month. And it is beautiful outside.
Strangely, when I was down in the dumpster of emotion, it occurred to me how when we're sad we want to mope with the saddest songs and sulk with the worst glummest weather. And yet, strange enough for me, who the weather matches emotionally step for step, it was beautiful outside. And I couldn't see it. Nothing could persuade me that it was a beautiful day. Perhaps if I had stepped out and gone out in the sunshine and experienced the magic of the day, perhaps I might have been persuaded. But I refused to entertain any chance that I could see the beauty of the day. I was so embroiled in my own turmoil to see beyond the limits imposed by emotion.
Almost every instance when we're overcome by some sort of grief is produced by a change within ourselves. We must transition ourselves from one mindset to another and it is this transition that jarrs our very souls to the point of uncertainty. For, we are strong when we are certain, and we are weak when we are not. Doubt is that element that eats away and erodes at whatever the essence is to the core. Sometimes it is misplaced and sometimes it is not, and it is the very nature of doubt itself that you cannot be sure when it is.
We want to believe. We want to believe so much in our own faith that we know that to do so, it will take everything out of ourselves and to do so is to take the plunge into a neverending abyss wherein you cannot tell where you began and where it ends. Our fear of not knowing is what pulls us back, and our experiences of having taken the jump and ended up broken which feeds hesitation.
We fall for a reason, we doubt for a reason, for in that moment when we most fear to lose something, we know just what it is we want and how much we want it. Sometimes we fear that we will lose faith, and it is faith itself that pulls us back up from our grief.
I like to think that I make myself stronger. But I'm more so glad that I don't have to do it alone. Today is my beautiful day, and I hope that if you have days when yours isn't, that mine today may brighten yours.
