Monday, October 29, 2012

11.11

Yesterday, or the day before, well sometime over the weekend - and I can't really remember because, that's how under the weather I was - I remember looking at the clock, and just then it was 11.11. AM or PM, I again don't recall. Most likely it was at night, because during the day I'd have busied myself with numerous chores, multitasking to keep mind and body distracted from that vague dystopia I had found myself in.

But this time, I recall sitting on the floor, leaning against my bed, and turning just a bit to see that the clock had just clicked into position at 11.11. And I looked at it and realized, there was a time I eagerly used to close my eyes and make a wish.

Silly thing to do. I know it. There is that little girl in me, always, that seeks to remain in a fairy world, where Cinderella sang about dreams and wishes and waited for her prince charming. Silly. But regardless, when one was in a position to make a wish and lose nothing from the act, I took the opportunity and made the wish.

At the moment when I saw the green numbers aligning with perfect parallels, I suddenly lost a sense of realism and found myself falling into different parallels of time. Why had I stopped wishing at 11.11?

One might induce from operant conditioning that it was a case of extinction. But no, not that the wishes never came true. If one was a confidante of the heart one might learn that they came true, of a sort. Rather this would be positively reinforcing the act of making the wish, because they came true.

Was this a case of taking things for granted? I would hope not. Perhaps it was that when the clock was set at 11.11, I was preoccupied with an act that negated my ability to perceive that the clock was at 11.11.

Maybe, I 've begun to expect (and therefore wish for) too much.  My wishes have gone from simple requests   to wishes, stemming from deepest fears,  that someone would do this or someone would do that. And perhaps, by the wishes having stopped coming true in that light, that's the actual behavioural extinction.  By them never coming true, I've given up.

What happened to the wishes made at 11.11, on the many shooting stars, on the birthday candles that were so rare? Perhaps I've really grown up? Or do I only grow up when I stop thinking about silly wishes and hopes entirely?

14 comments:

  1. Once at a really bad point when I was desperate to get my wishes and prayers attended, a friend who was close to me..., she said me that

    "God does not hear just your prayers or conscious wishes, but also your inner thoughts and subconscious realizations. His judgments involve lot more than what you verbally ask for." in a loose translation from Malayalam words she said.

    I have some confusions today in accepting the words literally, but I can really relate to the idea. Things perhaps work this way. When I looked at the way results I got or at least the way I acted, they seemes to be a total sum of my subconscious realizations, verbalized wishes, inner desires and hidden fears.

    Yes, for me too some of the dearest wishes were realized there in dreams. It seems to be another plane of reality, with good, bad sin pleasure, pain everything which we attribute to reality, but at the same time with no need for logical order.

    :)

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    1. http://youtu.be/dIphEjMfT_g

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    2. Aww. You know, I know all this inside, but then there are times when everything becomes clouded and you can't see things clearly. Even though I may know it deep down somewhere, I think I needed it to be said again. Thank you, Eths. Overall, when I look at the fact the dearest wishes did come true, I think I am extremely lucky, and that outweighs the dissatisfaction that creeps in now and then. I just to be reminded of it.

      And for the song also :D

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  2. I shall be back with a better comment ☺

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    1. Take your time Kia, your smile is enough even :)

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  3. I still make those eye lash wishes and lots more =] whether or not they come true is not the issue, its the ... you know.......... ! uff you know Lol

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  4. What do you recommend for me to read? :)


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    1. I've been thinking about that since you last asked ..umm anything by Marian Keyes (especially Anybody Out There) don't know why but I always insist this book should be read.. I think you would like Where Rainbows End by Cecilia Ahern, it's sweet and poignant. Other than those two automatic-suggestions, I'm thinking what you'd like that's like The Host. I have a separate bookshelf just for my crime and thriller books :P Dunno if you're as 'tomboy' as me to enjoy these lol :B

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  5. I simply enjoy wishing on the morning star, falling stars, broken eye lashes and almost everything that you can wish on. I don't have a reason for that but I do believe that in the entire day there is atleast one moment when He might just say AMEN and I try hoping that moment could be NOW :)

    Sending hugs to you... take care.

    I can only say Keep hoping and wishing as sometimes that is the only thing we can do<3

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    1. *sigh* That sounds just like something I've read in this book I'm reading "Eventually is now".

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