Friday, October 05, 2012

Sentimental

They say you learn something new everyday. And they also say that we're always changing, no matter how hard we dig our heels in. I think I discovered both of these today, and it's thanks to all of you -

Smoke for posting this quote, Nerdy for reminding me and remembering that I told him I detest that quote, Layla for explaining why I do, and to Kiara, for flipping it around and showing me another reason why I shouldn't.

I've detested this quote because once upon a time, I had friends who would do what Layla said: they would always just suddenly put up walls and I would always have to be the one who'd have to climb the walls, or punch at them with my bare knuckles, or break a leg dropping over the other side to find them. I'd done this so many times, that suddenly it hit me bitterly and sadly, that never once was the effort returned. Not by all  my friends, mind you, but there were certain "best friends" who made the impact so much that I did become bitter. Suddenly I'd realized that even when I made the effort, they would quote that same quote as if that were enough reason, when it was an excuse for their distance and not caring. Like Layla's said many times, and Smoke also recently posted, there's a time you give up because the other people have stopped caring. I'd have posted this thought at the time when it occurred to me. (You can read it here.) when I had pulled myself away from the cycle of trying to climb that impossibly high wall.

On the other hand, Kiara's reply to Smoke's posting of this quote made me realize, I'm extremely lucky today. And it's in fact because of the extraordinarily caring and cherishing people I do have today. I`ve found that I`m "fighting" or pulling a sulk a lot more often than I ever have with my close friends. And that`s because they`re so incredibly close to me that I feel I can be all of who I really am. I don't have to hide when I am hurt or pissed. And that says a lot doesn't it?

Imagine that. Two girls I love a lot, and who are much younger than I am have said what's brought me to this post. And I realize you all would rather read another episode of BTS, but I'm taking a break while I find my creative juices. Layla's "I do agree with you BUT if every1 did dat at da same time, no 1 wud ever OPEN UP 2 any1 else n we would all be lonely" was exactly what was on my mind, and then Kiara's "And sometimes even the people that are there for you won't knock down the walls you made, just so that they can give you space :) "

That's when I saw the light. When I do fight, I tend to actually do this now. I put up that wall when I'm sulking and I'm actually waiting for the other person to come and make me feel it's alright, that I still have them and they'll accept me even when I make sulky faces. And can you believe it - I actually get more pissed when they DO give me space! This goes back to something Blew said, "I dnt agree to getting distant even if for a short while...maybe its separation anxiety...as if they will go away as soon as ul let go of their hand. Therefore I feel like sticking to them n making their lives miserable:D" - that's it exactly.

So thank you, you'll know who you are, for being there for me, enduring my sulks, my nautanki moments,  for accepting me wholly and for making me think and realize, and learn so much more about myself. I've learnt to become extremely picky and choosy about who I do get close to because of this quote in the past, and now because of this same quote, (hey, it's the circle of life!), I'm realizing - not for the first time, but so much more- how lucky I am to have you.

Yours Truly, ♥.


I`m adding a P.S. here, because I suddenly went to my GoldenMemories blog and saw the Thought of the Day thingy which I`d made to show old posts I had written way back when I was so intelligent-sounding. The quote I found made me realize, that hey even I`m my own best friend also :D 


Faith is a tree, growing new branches even in the face of a storm. And when the time is right, those new branches bear fruit. When you have faith, despair is not an option. Faith is a lesson to be learnt, just like everything else in life.
-IQ...Tuesday, March 04, 2008

23 comments:

  1. LOL ..being lucky goes both ways :P i.e. we are very lucky to have you too :)

    im all for building walls ..n i've done it many times ... of late i've built higher and higher walls ... but i always leave a way in - even if its a tiny lil hole :)

    the best frnds always find a way in (and talking only of da spice channel angels) ... be it my always lost somewhere frnd who walked in thru that lil gap the first day she saw me (and my first day on da spice channel) and never left, or da glaring (n slapping) pasta n sauce frnd that re-sparked my love of the english language and super intelligent conversation, or the super sweet red fonted person who kept a super special tea for special me who i later discovered has a heart of pure gold bar none(well bar the others that i mention here), or the somewhat quiet and taciturn person we know as the bartender, or the incredible quiet moody and scowling character known as my bhaiyya that i have a very natural affinity for, or the one i err run around with a measuring tape from, or my frnd in da middle east who once asked me "what is a brainiac like you doing on da spice channel" .... well the ones ive grown used to caring for are the ones that found a way in :)

    my experience with walls has usually been good :P

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    1. LOLLL thats what happens when i have two glasses of wine :P

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    2. THANK U ROMEYO !!!!!!!!!!!<3

      SPECIAL COFFEE 4 U ::coffee WITH EXTRA SUGAR!! N LOVE *HUGS*

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    3. Hugs lulu ..ur wine is sitting on da table next to smokes chicken .... n miss iqs food that shes cooking today :P

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  2. :O After that post and the response from Guru ji, I'm kinda all out of words.

    However, I remembered the perfect lyric and I'm gonna use that, so here goes... Miss.IQ - Kaisa tera gussa, kaisa tera pyaar..... tera emosional atyachaar :B

    On a serious note, Miss.IQ lovely post and Guru ji, LOVE to you, you fly on da wall :P


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    1. LOLL oh that's atyachar, not achar :B

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    2. LOL fly on da wall :D

      are we back to da achar being rubbed on da tummy thing again :O

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    3. Its Atyachaar hmph I didn't say Achar O_O

      Guru ji LOL not yet :P haha

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    4. I know, was a joke pagal. :)

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  3. I like to isolate myself when I'm feeling upset, because when I'm around people I don't show my sad emotions, I'm a positive person and I don't like spreading any of the sorrow, and sometimes I just need my space to think. So I tend to build a wall around myself, and hope that no one enters. But then there are times where as much as I'd like to be alone, I know that I can't endure through something alone, and that's when an understanding friend (like you, yes I'm lucky to have you too) breaks in and tells me that they understand me and that they're there for me.

    So I guess, sometimes when you build a wall around yourself, you need someone to break in, and sometimes you need to be left alone and be given your space.

    BUT, what I detest about this quote is that you're putting your friends through a struggle, you build a wall around yourself to see who would break in, but the friend in front of you won't always know if you want that space or not.

    And the quote *falls over*... What can I say, you know what I want to say. You teach me something new everytime I read you.

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    1. And hahahah everyone else, my comment was longer than yours!

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    2. First, yes I also isolate myself when I'm upset, for the exact same reasons you list. I like to think it's more of a bubble than a wall, or if a wall, then it's a glass one. The funny thing is for so long I've felt that I wanted someone to be able to come through that bubble and pull me out, and it's not so much just to see who would, but just to feel the care itself; it's a bit difficult to differentiate this. I think you did a pretty good job yourself. :)

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  4. I fell in love with this quote the moment I read it because when I read it for the first time I had already created walls and was not letting anyone in. And then suddenly it struck me I could actually lose out on a genuine person because of this thing. That is when a random googling made me land up on this quote. I believed it to be true and left it on that person to break the walls to reach me. I have been pretty decent at breaking the walls for friends though majority of them have not but I like to take it as that I am special and it needs someone equally special to be able to break that wall ;)

    I could be wrong in that approach but as long as it keeps me happy I am fine with it. It happens most of the time with many of us, but like it is said that just because someone does not love you the way you want them to does not mean they don't love you at all!!!

    But I loved the way you were open to changing your views on the quote and heard your friends out when they were trying to convince you...this shows it is not the end yet!!

    Take care <3

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    1. Me :). Yes, I think this quote does a very good job of allowing us to explore ourselves, if anything. We might relate to it, like yourself and the few other friends who have quoted it, and then we might detest it like I do. I guess, it's something we shouldn't have to do all the time, but somehow happens without us really knowing what it is we do. I guess there are some intricacies in human nature that seeks reassurance in whatever form..

      & Thank you for the lovely comment, Me. :)

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  5. I still detest that quote.. thats stupid.. i dont do it and i dont expect anyone else to do it.. thank you. You have no idea what you could lose because of the stupid wall
    Man.. why u making me senti ??

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    1. Man, I make you senti because that's whats friends are for.

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  6. Where are youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu :(

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