Smoke for posting this quote, Nerdy for reminding me and remembering that I told him I detest that quote, Layla for explaining why I do, and to Kiara, for flipping it around and showing me another reason why I shouldn't.
I've detested this quote because once upon a time, I had friends who would do what Layla said: they would always just suddenly put up walls and I would always have to be the one who'd have to climb the walls, or punch at them with my bare knuckles, or break a leg dropping over the other side to find them. I'd done this so many times, that suddenly it hit me bitterly and sadly, that never once was the effort returned. Not by all my friends, mind you, but there were certain "best friends" who made the impact so much that I did become bitter. Suddenly I'd realized that even when I made the effort, they would quote that same quote as if that were enough reason, when it was an excuse for their distance and not caring. Like Layla's said many times, and Smoke also recently posted, there's a time you give up because the other people have stopped caring. I'd have posted this thought at the time when it occurred to me. (You can read it here.) when I had pulled myself away from the cycle of trying to climb that impossibly high wall.
On the other hand, Kiara's reply to Smoke's posting of this quote made me realize, I'm extremely lucky today. And it's in fact because of the extraordinarily caring and cherishing people I do have today. I`ve found that I`m "fighting" or pulling a sulk a lot more often than I ever have with my close friends. And that`s because they`re so incredibly close to me that I feel I can be all of who I really am. I don't have to hide when I am hurt or pissed. And that says a lot doesn't it?
Imagine that. Two girls I love a lot, and who are much younger than I am have said what's brought me to this post. And I realize you all would rather read another episode of BTS, but I'm taking a break while I find my creative juices. Layla's "I do agree with you BUT if every1 did dat at da same time, no 1 wud ever OPEN UP 2 any1 else n we would all be lonely" was exactly what was on my mind, and then Kiara's "And sometimes even the people that are there for you won't knock down the walls you made, just so that they can give you space :) "
That's when I saw the light. When I do fight, I tend to actually do this now. I put up that wall when I'm sulking and I'm actually waiting for the other person to come and make me feel it's alright, that I still have them and they'll accept me even when I make sulky faces. And can you believe it - I actually get more pissed when they DO give me space! This goes back to something Blew said, "I dnt agree to getting distant even if for a short while...maybe its separation anxiety...as if they will go away as soon as ul let go of their hand. Therefore I feel like sticking to them n making their lives miserable:D" - that's it exactly.
So thank you, you'll know who you are, for being there for me, enduring my sulks, my nautanki moments, for accepting me wholly and for making me think and realize, and learn so much more about myself. I've learnt to become extremely picky and choosy about who I do get close to because of this quote in the past, and now because of this same quote, (hey, it's the circle of life!), I'm realizing - not for the first time, but so much more- how lucky I am to have you.
Yours Truly, ♥.
I`m adding a P.S. here, because I suddenly went to my GoldenMemories blog and saw the Thought of the Day thingy which I`d made to show old posts I had written way back when I was so intelligent-sounding. The quote I found made me realize, that hey even I`m my own best friend also :D
Faith is a tree, growing new branches even in the face of a storm. And when the time is right, those new branches bear fruit. When you have faith, despair is not an option. Faith is a lesson to be learnt, just like everything else in life.
-IQ...Tuesday, March 04, 2008
