October. This is one of my favourite months of the year. I don't really know why, but you can safely bet that it has to do with the weather and season. There are these small tiny frames of time wherein all the most magical elements are experienced.
Sometimes, with the mundane parts of life take away from our ability to really experience it all. I've gone through days these past weeks where my mind is so full of so many thoughts, and just watching the world go by when I do get a chance to take a breather, that I've found it somewhat sad that I haven't been writing here.
There is this guilty feeling when I come on, and feel I need to post the next episode, because that's what you want to read. But then, for whatever reason, my mind has been so scattered that I cannot sit still enough to write a sequel.
That's one side of the guilt, but then again there is the other, when I feel guilty to myself and to my blog, because what I should be doing is putting down a few words that describe what I'm feeling and thinking. That's the whole premise of the blog, at least for me. There is part of me that feels, oh why would you write anything other than the story, everyone is just going to ask where's the next episode, and don't care about what you're thinking. Everyone is thinking, so what?
I feel a bit subdued, and I'm not sure why. It's as if my center of gravity, or the axis my being is centered through with is out of alignment. My mind and heart and soul aren't all in tune. There is a dissonance that jarrs every breath I take to focus myself, and I still remain off balance.
I realize this is not just me; every which way I look, I see reflections of this sense of unease in others. What is it about this time that permeates a feeling of lost? Transitions that are uncertain? Transitions that we feel and sense by looking out at the falling leaves, and the vacuum-like sense of the eye of a storm. We're stepping out of one portal into another, and yet, this place in between, is this considered a place of its own or just a temporary corridor?
There are expectations of the future that pull and tug us, and yet we dig in our heels wanting to slow down and stop for a moment. I need to find all the pieces of myself that I've loaned out and put them all together again. This is the time for changes, and in change, to heal.
