Sometimes it takes a little displacement to find that you're right where you want to be. If you had gone through the last quiz I'd posted a few days ago, you'd have encountered the question that had me hesitating. "Are you happy?"
I wasn't really sure if I was. I might be, but then again I don't quite feel the "Happy-Me" that I always associated myself to being. I had things I was happy about, certainly. And there were things I was definitely thankful for in my life. But that's not the same thing as happy, is it?
Then I found myself looking at the date, yesterday, and realized it was the birthday of an old out of touch friend, and so I further found myself writing out a nice and simple birthday-wishing email. I ended it with "Hope you're having a great one, and even more importantly, that you're happy. "
That's when I did a bit of dissociation and put myself into a theoretical time where she'd ask me if I was. That's when I realized, from the many years down the road when she and I were much younger, and more closer, and would be thinking of a future, that this is what I would have wanted for myself. I was happy.
Happiness doesn't just knock you over, or make you want to click your heels in the air. Happiness is also a cousin of contentment, and can also be just as quiet. Despite all the smaller things crowding around in everyday life, and the little annoyances, arguments, or dissatisfaction, when I stepped out of my body and looked at myself, I realized I was happy. I am. I'm happy. Could have fooled you, right? I don't blame you, I forgot to realize I was as well.
