Monday, December 03, 2012

Re-Solution

Happy December!

I normally write after I think through a lot of what I've been feeling or experiencing, and usually I write up something that's already sort of a solution of some kind, that leads to us all - myself mostly - feeling something akin to inspired.

It's almost the end of the year, and when January kicks in, we reach that clichéd time where we're all expected in an ambiguous sort of way to make New Year's Resolutions. I have always hated that, growing up,  having to write out a list of resolutions that was first and foremost a dreaded chore, and secondly that list having to meet the approval of said parent, and thirdly the entire thing weighed down by those damn expectations.

But, lately I've been telling myself that there are bits of me that I need to change. And this is what I'm writing about, I'm making my own Old Year's Resolution right now. I, IQ, am going to battle my inner demons and hopefully conquer that quietly raging fire that's inside me. My anger.

What anger? I know, most of you might never - and how God has blessed you - have come across my anger. But it's there, and boy is it ugly when it rears its fiery head. I can be cool as a cucumber on the surface, but there seems to be something - and yes it is when I get extremely close to people that it seems to awaken - that's like a volcano. There was a time when I rarely got angry, and when I did it was like Armageddon. I'd figured out a relationship - the frequency of my anger was inversely proportional to the magnitude of my anger.

And I know that some of you *stares at someone* think I just need a vacation from all the stressors of life. But that's just it. It's sort of like a drug addict or alcholic never really coming to terms with their addiction, because they've always avoided the stressors that stimulate the cycle of them reaching for their stash. No matter what, life is always going to be there, but the people I care about may not - not if I continue to lose my temper. I need to work through and live through the stress and be able to do so without the temper being unleashed.

I need to remember that this is only my starting resolution, I'm not meant to find any solution just as yet. But I am going to work on it. That's a promise.

9 comments:

  1. errrmmmmm ...still think u need some peace time away from:

    a) work
    b) irritating ppl on the spice channel - those wud be the ones u told me abt ... caps lock bhaiyya or smoking grey font bhaiyya or clone bhaiyya or just plain dumbazz bhaiyya :D
    c) the routine of waking up doing ur stuff taking a train doing ur stuff taking a train doing more stuff ... the routine sometimes gets excruciating.

    .. i think the break wud give you the peae and strength to quietly deal with "inner demons" .... we all do :P

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  2. Replies
    1. Haha, the 'bhailog' dont get under my skin. We'd be looking more at the behans :P

      BTW by the time Sunday afternoon comes around I'm already impatient for work week to start :P

      But I am cutting down on some disturbing elements to tranquility :B Just like I'm cutting the sugar as it's bad for libido LOLLL

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    2. :O hmm that was meant to be a conversation kept in private LOLLLL ... eh not really :P

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  3. Yayy, even I can be an angry beast at times, but it's rare.

    And New Years Resolutions, I never really ever made them :)

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  4. Your anger is not ALL bad........its more like the deafening silence which makes it... u know :P


    *Hugs* hmph





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    1. That's NOT my anger - that's when I'm hurt and sunk into depression. You know my anger as "picking on every little thing" "gussa on the nose" "getting pissed easily" and the "sarcasm" :P hehe hugg *rolleyes*

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  5. New Year resolution huh....well... I also want to but don't know where to start from..looks so horrible na as if I have a zillion things to improve upon

    :/

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