Happy December!
I normally write after I think through a lot of what I've been feeling or experiencing, and usually I write up something that's already sort of a solution of some kind, that leads to us all - myself mostly - feeling something akin to inspired.
It's almost the end of the year, and when January kicks in, we reach that clichéd time where we're all expected in an ambiguous sort of way to make New Year's Resolutions. I have always hated that, growing up, having to write out a list of resolutions that was first and foremost a dreaded chore, and secondly that list having to meet the approval of said parent, and thirdly the entire thing weighed down by those damn expectations.
But, lately I've been telling myself that there are bits of me that I need to change. And this is what I'm writing about, I'm making my own Old Year's Resolution right now. I, IQ, am going to battle my inner demons and hopefully conquer that quietly raging fire that's inside me. My anger.
What anger? I know, most of you might never - and how God has blessed you - have come across my anger. But it's there, and boy is it ugly when it rears its fiery head. I can be cool as a cucumber on the surface, but there seems to be something - and yes it is when I get extremely close to people that it seems to awaken - that's like a volcano. There was a time when I rarely got angry, and when I did it was like Armageddon. I'd figured out a relationship - the frequency of my anger was inversely proportional to the magnitude of my anger.
And I know that some of you *stares at someone* think I just need a vacation from all the stressors of life. But that's just it. It's sort of like a drug addict or alcholic never really coming to terms with their addiction, because they've always avoided the stressors that stimulate the cycle of them reaching for their stash. No matter what, life is always going to be there, but the people I care about may not - not if I continue to lose my temper. I need to work through and live through the stress and be able to do so without the temper being unleashed.
I need to remember that this is only my starting resolution, I'm not meant to find any solution just as yet. But I am going to work on it. That's a promise.
