Thursday, August 02, 2012


The past week, I haven't really been getting all that much proper sleep. Last night I went to bed with the intention of doing so, and yet again I found myself tossing and turning - and thinking. Inevitable, I guess.

Somehow I got around to thinking about the past, and eventually got around to that nostalgia that comes with it, and somehow came up with an idea: to dedicate 365 days to 365 people who have influenced or affected me and my life, and write about them.  I intend to do this, I am not sure when or how. I might start writing these up separately and privately, and work myself up to posting about them. It's a working idea in progress, so to speak.

While I was ruminating about the idea last night, my mind was flitting here and there and coming up with material and more ideas, such as who these 365 people would be. As I went through my high-school years, and then to university years, I came across a memory that I have neglected to realize thus far.

In particular, the question about how and when I started blogging. For some reason I had gone as far back as my old "Sapne" blog on Xanga, where, as I've previously explained, I started writing so as to "counsel" myself when I was in a state of despair. 

Last night, suddenly when my mind's eye fell on this one individual who was a very important best friend in university, a whole world of memories came flooding back, and that's when I suddenly realized, my history of blogging went much farther back than just the self-counsel beginning. And that's what I'm writing about today, as I intend to share the story behind my blogging.

Her name was Ash. And she had a tremendously big FAT crush on this fellow who she had never spoken to in her life. It was a case of Crush At First Sight. Everytime she saw him, she would hyperventilate. I kid you not. 

Of course this means I took every chance I could, to whisper, point, or nudge her urgently: "Look! Look, it's HIM!" Just to see her face freeze, turn red, and the hyperventilating begin. Only for me to laugh and she'd slap me with her notebook for fooling her. But the state she had fallen into was beyond common sense, for she would fall for this joke every time. That was the magic he had over her.

I couldn't understand what exactly it was about him that she was so crazy over. He was tall, which was a very big nod of approval from me, and he had a nice smile. He was a bit of the preppy, nice-boy, and innocent type, though, and maybe I'm just being snooty when I say he just was not my type. I have for the most part been holding out for that "prince of my dreams" type. Yup, me. Despite my 23409823094823 crushes. But see, the thing about my crushes were that they just dealt with the Having To Be Infatuated With Someone/Something at that age. I couldn't care less about actually being in a relationship with any of them. That's why I wasn't. But this dude, who she had a crush on, he just wasn't...intense enough for me. Or, he was just, too well put together, in a way that kind of bordered on effeminate or, dare I say, gay.

She hated me for daring to say it, I must confess. I could not help but pull her leg about him swinging the other side. However, this did nothing to abate her crush on him. In fact, it seemed to further instigate her to investigate or, as I put it, stalk him.

He had a friend. And this friend, my friend became friends with. You see where I'm going with this, don't you? My friend, now friends with his friend, then began to ask the friend things about her friend. Subtly, my friend assured me. Suuuure, I assured her back.

In the midst of a crowded break between classes, Ash came out with gleaming eyes. She got information! OMG OMG. She got information! She got....what information exactly? I queried. She got his BLOG address! 

What duh.

Did she get his full name? Er, no. Did she get his age? Er, no. Did she get a verification on his sexuality? NO. She got his blog. His WHAT? What the hell are you going to do with his blog? STARE at his writing? Stalk his blog? 

Yes, that is precisely what she did.

After days at the library watching her visit his blog and read whatever was there, and hyperventilate over his blog,  I decided, enough was enough. 

I visited his (very snoozeville) blog, and I, yes I the great and almighty IQ, I dropped him a comment on his blog. I put in all sorts of random phrases that would mean absolutely no sense to him, such as  references to red apples and goose, and grandmothers and grandfathers. Yes, I did. And as per my expectations, this elicited the biggest uproar on the part of my friend.

"YOU DID WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT? OMG OMG OMG!" With glazed eyes and unruly hair, she stared at me like a madwoman, chest heaving, post-traumatic-hyperventilation attack.

I smirked at her, and wiggled my eyebrows. I asserted that he would have absolutely no idea what any of the  gibberish I even wrote down. For the record, the apple refers to the EVENT of her coming across him eating Yes breaking news (facepalm.) The goose reference, to the event of her sitting inside the foyer and him passing on the other side of the glass wall and telling me to LOOOOOOOOK OMG OMG its HIM! and when I did look, there was only a goose wandering around idly. The Grandfather comment was referring to my observation that he was very boring and grandfatherly-looking with the way his glasses perched on the tip of his nose.

Oh, the good times. I can then tell you that because of this chain of events, the link to the world of blogs was established. I began to leave random comments on his blog just to get her to overreact, and somehow I actually became friend with the fellow. Somehow...oh yes, now I recall.

April1. April Fools Day. Apparently, Ash had dared me to talk to "my" crush. He wasn't much of a crush, but somehow she felt that I MUST have a crush because she SO had SUCH a big crush, that of course I MUST have one also. Of course. So I randomly pointed to this dude. I don't know why particularly, now that I think of it. 

I told her, if that was the extent of my dare, then she must also do the same. She froze, her eyes glazed over and she shook her head slowly. That meant no. I told her because if she doesn't, I will. That seemed to be all it took. 

The next day was D-Day. She came into our morning lecture, looked around for me in the big lecture hall, then stood in shock staring down at me. I was sitting beside my "crush" chatting happily. I looked up and waved at her smiling, and she shot daggers at me with her eyes. I smirked back.

Of course, she chickened out. She in no way possible, could get herself to walk in the direction of her crush, never mind even utter a syllable to him. So, the following day, while we were studying for our mid-term, she came across a section that she wasn't sure about, and asked me for clarification. I gave her my answer, but she didn't believe me. I sighed, "Ok, if you don't believe me, I'll ask someone else, follow me." 

She looks at me cautiously. "Um. Where are you going?" She had that vibe by now to know just when I had something up my sleeve. "Just come!" I pulled her hand and took her with me, to the study room beside us. As I walked in, she put on the brakes suddenly. And I had to let her hand go, and without a look back at her, I approached her crush and smiled my famous-friendly-smile and asked the group for their opinion about the question in particular. We all got along pretty well, for the few minutes we engaged in a conversation. I had to get him to notice her, so I gestured at my friend waiting nervously at the door, and told them how she thought this answer while I thought this, and so we had to find out what someone else said. They all smiled at her. She froze and glanced at me pleadingly.

So yes, that was the "somehow" part of how we all became friends. And for the years following, we all became a gang of a sort, we all sat together in lectures, taking up entire rows, and we all ate, studied and had  fun together. In secret, I taught him how to play her favourite "dream" song on the piano, and I had him surprise her by playing it, when she thought he couldn't play a thing at all. I had the camera ready to witness her hyperventilating with such a big smile while all our friends clapped and laughed. Good times, I tell you.

As to the blog, we never told him about how his blog was stalked, nor that those hilariously random comments were from me. But we did register ourselves on Xanga and made our own blogs, and we followed one another as we blogged.  My first blog was completely filled with these memories. Events of our days, hilarious comments back and forth, everything that made up what friendship was. 

She moved away, we all went our own ways. Words and memories, however remain.


  1. I love your idea of dedicating 365 days to 365 people :) Ash must've been a close friend.. and you must miss her a lot.. that's the feeling I got from reading your post. And I also, very much, loved reading this memory of yours :)

    1. :D Thank you! I do miss her, I get very attached to the people who are close to me (which contributes to my 365 idea). She's the one who started calling me Sunshine. And it's kind of funny that you're the first to reply, because I was thinking while I wrote this...that even though I sort of forgot about the older blogs, you're one of the few I HAVE shared the link to one of them with. ♥

  2. err ..what happened to "THE CRUSH" .... interested minds want to know :L

    1. Mine or hers? We all went our own ways - they became friends, and my "crush" was just another yawn. :P

  3. The story behind Sapne ☺

    And your past reminds me of my today, the way I pester my friends about their crushes, and the stalking, yeah definitely. Although, I rarely find a crush, cause my expectations are too high. LOL. But yes, this reminds me of one of my close friends, she would do anything to follow her crush around, no matter how stupid and obvious it looks.

    Good times.

    Oh, and I love your idea of dedicating 365 to 365 people. ☺ ☺ ☺

    1. And your blog looks amazing ☺ I don't know how to describe it, but it has the IQ effect on it!

    2. Hahahah see! Another similarity yet again! High expectations et al. I think I'd term it eye candy, rather than crush... for whatever fleeting moment it lasts.

      And thank you! The black and white effect is what I'd originally had ambitions for (as you can see with my IQ icon on the browser), it just took some time for me to get the look I wanted. I love white and black and the cleanliness and, I don't know, it's just serene for me :D Obviously by now, everyone is used to my changing look though. Let's see how long this lasts. LOL :)

  4. FYI your blog looks great ... just very different from what it used to look before:D

    ..someone left without saying bye :L

    1. Yeah yeah..thank you & yes I realized that after... Ooops sorry :P