Day 7: The thing(s) you're most afraid of
This one is too easy. I've learnt to conquer a lot of those little phobias in various ways - for example, fear of heights, going on every and each roller coaster or amusement park ride. I try to live through a self-imposed credo of 'fear nothing', or telling myself I'm the 'girl without the fear gene'.
Anyways to the point: I don't even have to think twice about what I'm most afraid of. As long as I know, it's been one main thing that overrides any other fear. Losing people.
Not just any people, of course, but my people. Those I love, those I cherish, those I have grown attached to. From as long as I can remember, I have been closely familiar with the sensation of loss. I have tried countless ways to overcome this, from trying to care less, or not care so much, being apathetic, not getting attached to people, or trying to stay alone. I've tried caring more, giving more of myself, more reasons for whoever not to one day disappear. I'm afraid of death, of detachment, of deceit and distances all as subcategories of loss. Four Ds that I have hovering over my head like ghosts of past and future, and all unfortunately belonging to that bigger D: destiny.
It goes without saying that the consequences of loss have a profound impact on me, otherwise the fear wouldn't be so ingrained, nevermind one to even write about. Most of the deepest sorrows I have experienced and continue to experience are because of loss. If you come across me on a sad day, you can trust that it's somehow connected to this fear.
