Saturday, March 08, 2014

Happy International Women's Day

What would it be like to have your appreciation? To have you look at me the way you look at others, and not be blinded by the fact I already belong to you, that I am already yours. To feel that what I do is something that you are intrigued by, that what is important to me is something you feel gives you momentum to take the time to understand and appreciate. To have your attention and your interest the way you give it to others. Instead of feeling like a duty, that I must understand that you have no time for me or rather  my unimportant things, because other things are more pressing - I understand - but others get your admiration instead. I wonder what it would be like to see you there as my number one supporter, without me having to ask you to be. To have you going on your own inclinations because you want to. To not have to ask you, again and again, to make what I rendered with love a chore. Maybe I just suck at whatever I thought I was good at. Maybe this is too much but the contrast was a stab in the back and right now I just cannot write anymore.