Really and truly, I don't think I have felt such immense gratitude through my blog before. Sure most of you are absolutely amazing with how frequent you praise me and my writing and there are those special ones who go beyond to show this in more ways than one. But this time, it was different. I guess it was different for me because I haven't been used to letting go of my restraints and just showing my vulnerabilities.
That said, I really did not expect anything at all - maybe the briefest lines of commiseration - but what I got in return just...it simply made my heart smile. But yup, I didn't expect the mini-essays of support in whichever form you chose to express it, and that was because of my 'disclaimer'.
As one of you noticed, it's there as an addendum to my posts, and I am not sure why it is still there - I guess that only means that I'm going to try to be 'keeping it real' with my expressing myself. It's a bit of a hard thing to do actually, because usually I feel really dumb about having let myself go down into a state of depression, and because they don't last too long, I feel that it's something like making a drama out of things, by doing so. I don't know.
The main reason I put that disclaimer up and have worded the way I did is pretty much rooted in the same reason why I feel hesitant about even writing about my struggles and sadnesses. I'm pretty self-sufficient, and usually my depressions are based on the fact that the few emotional dependencies I allow myself haven't been too stable - either in my mind or for some real reason... so yeah you can imagine the state of chaos going on inside my carefully constructed emotional self.
(If I am not really making sense right now it would be because I am listening to some really great Buddha Bar and it's really distracting me; it puts me into a total different mood and sometimes I feel like I am in an intoxicated fugue while listening, so yeah...)
Aah what was I even saying?
(Oh wow, I just checked which track was playing on my extensive Buddha Bar playlist and whatdyaknow, it's Opium. See? There was some subliminal thing going on there..)
*falls into a trance*