Wednesday, March 12, 2014

What's My Point?

For as long as I can remember, 'a sense of humour' was the criteria I checked off in the answer to the question "What do you want most in your significant other".

The question is a bit ludicrous in itself since it requires the dismissal of all other traits in favour of your choice. But a much younger me had no problem - I was always so sure of my requirement - because I was (am) a person who survives on humour.

But then in another phase, when I was much older - and more subdued by life itself - I found myself questioning this choice. I would ask around among friends and colleagues to see what their choices were and why; an open-ended question where they could choose whichever trait it was they most wanted in their significant other. This was a time when I was thoroughly in my 'one day' waiting phase and was very much immersed with thoughtfulness and daydreams about this 'one day' and 'prince charming'.

Somewhere down the line, I started considering 'understanding' over 'sense of humour'. But it was tough to let go of the hope that one day my prince charming would be the one to make me laugh like no other. I'd chosen 'sense of humour' for as long as I could remember most likely because for once I'd have loved to be the one being made to laugh, instead of making others laugh.

But what these questionnaires never teach us is the fact that despite all the wants and requirements we would want in our significant other, it's never so simple when it happens.

Lately, I have been down in the dumps with respect to 'communication'. Or the lack therof. I have been feeling way too depressed with feeling that the things I say aren't important. And it isn't just that. I guess I need communication. I need the bond built with words - however mundane or trivial - the communication, the sharing, is a bond as intimate as any other. And when it's breaking down...I just don't know. I feel lost.

Maybe my seeking these things, sense of humour, understanding, appreciation, communication all stem from a lifetime of never having them.

I have always been made to feel that when I say something no one really listens, or that what I've said just goes unnoticed or unremarked. Or the things I say aren't deemed noteworthy because I was the one who voiced it. Or I feel this cold impatience from the other person. I've spent most of my life feeling like a ghost or a shadow. And I suppose, that is why I've ended up writing to express myself. A symptom of loneliness.


So here I am again: writing.

15 comments:

  1. Ahem ahem.
    *prepares a long lecture*
    *reads the disclaimer* *shouts a WHAT?? and then a no and then tears the page and then frowns*

    So what I have seen is that whatever the thoughts people have about the 'Prince charming', there are something they have to compromise on. No one is perfect and we cannot custom make some person to our needs. Yeah, we can expect them to be falling under our requirements. But the point is if they make you happy, that is a golden ticket ( I guess, no? I am just shooting in the dark. So, don't mind if I sound 'Crazy' ! )

    Don't say you are lonely. What are we here for ? We would be supporting you in every step of your way, no matter what! And writing to express oneself is not always a symptom of loneliness. Writing is an expression which unites with ourselves when we feel lost or likewise.

    And I have been meaning to ask whether you have found your other half ? I know its' kind of personal. (Did I just cross the line? I apologize for that! :/ )

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    1. Hahahaha @ your last question -- where have you BEEN?! I thought you were already in the crowd of those who already know (knew) that much!

      And yeah it isn't always a symptom of loneliness, but it is for me. That's how I came to discover and begin writing in the first place, and why and how my best writing is produced. Ah well. Thanks bud for the nice words as always.

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    2. It is like I know but I am not so sure. Then I am like "Do I really know?". It is kind of foggy. So, just wanted to clear the air. Now, please don't ask me what I know! :/

      Nice words? Whoa! Me?
      *Scrolls up*
      *Notes down everything I wrote* :P

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    3. What do you know, Ajay? :P

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  2. *puts on a lecture/pontificate hat* bruahahahha

    we all encounter our own lonelinesses and we all have our own ways of coping :P

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    1. You and your hats! Geez haha. Brevity ey, witty boy.

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  3. I feel that you are handling loneliness well by writing. You opted for something that's awesome.That's a good sign.

    As for the traits in the partner, it's not that it won't happen, it's just not that explicit and easy. I love romantic gestures but my husband is more practical. His way of romance might not be the thing that my heart expects but it's the gesture that matters. Likewise, we grow to be perfect with our partners, instead of looking for perfect partners. In fact, it's the wise thing to do. :)

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    1. Again! What you say is pretty exactly the same for me :D Oh and thank you K!

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  4. I really don't know much about you, and frankly haven't even read even a single post of yours as attentively as this one. My bad certainly. But being an avid reader, I can tell that this post was written in a far better frame of mind! I don't even know how old you're but this probably goes without saying that you have a far better understanding of life than any other of us. I mean isn't it just great to know that once what was your requirement found a logical replacement? This means you've grown as a person by leaps and bounds. And aren't we all lonely in some way or the other? Even with our parents around we miss our friends or vice-versa.
    Disclaimer : This comment neither aims at lecturing nor judging the authorof this blog. It just reflects how a reader's mind connected with the writer's article.

    :)

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    1. IHY! Don't worry about it; I only started reading your blog today just because I followed the link you posted earlier and I've been thinking about what to comment on it if at all! So don't sweat it!

      I'm touched at your effort to provide some sort of reflection on my posts - and you saying that I may have a better understanding. May be or maybe not in that case, I guess we all have our own experiences which makes the whole thing relative. But yup, what you do say about requirements is a very good point. :) Thanks a whole bunch IHY :D

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  5. IQ! Hello and apologies!! I was.. well a lot of things prevented me from blogging and everything else. On your post, I really do not know what to say :/ Because I'm in that phase where I set standards for "the better half". I think we sometimes set unrealistic standards and mostly, we don't get what we want :/ Which sucks on a million levels... because well isn't it unfair to harbour dreams and then have that dreamy bubble popped? :/ I dunno. I'm yet to learn.

    With your references to weeds and shadows... we all feel lonely and neglected at times, and there isn't much one can do abbout them, except have a chocolate and sulk and hope for it to be ok.

    BTW, shadows, weeds, flowers... the last para of your post and your new 'about me' on the sidebar, reminded me of Wordsworth's Lucy. Dunno why, it just did-

    HE dwelt among the untrodden ways
    Beside the springs of Dove,
    A Maid whom there were none to praise
    And very few to love:

    A violet by a mossy stone
    Half hidden from the eye!
    Fair as a star, when only one
    Is shining in the sky.

    She lived unknown, and few could know
    When Lucy ceased to be;
    But she is in her grave, and oh,
    The difference to me!

    It's melancholy but y'know, Lucy did make a difference to someone even though she was somewhere hidden among mosses...

    P.S. I don't even know if my comment makes any sense. I really wanted to comment!!
    P.P.S. Thankyou for all your comments on my blog. Cant tell you how warm and gooey-good they make me feel <3

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    1. No need to apologize! We all come and go and do our best to express and share - and comment when we can. But we're still in this community of writing forging ahead together, even if we aren't communicating directly. That's the good part about Blogger. :)

      Your comment makes a loooooooooooooot of sense! And even more importantly, even if it didn't (not the case, I assure you again) it still makes me feel totally blown away with the fact you still made the effort - I can't even do the feeling justice. :) And no need for thanks :D Your being here is enough thanks in itself! (remixing the 'Jai Ho' movie dialogue)

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    2. OH and Wordsworth Lucy! That's sort of uncanny, I forget where it was but I had recently referred to Lucy recently also ...:) So I guess I appreciate the reference even more!

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  6. Oh wow, I am quite late.. Oh well when I read this, i was first *sigh*

    Again this is something that speaks for me..for as long as I could remember. I have never really been taken seriously in my house, maybe because i'm the youngest. But it's always felt like nobody really cares about what I think about anything or say about anything, because apparently I am just too young to take seriously. Being the eternal target for everything possible, my family doesn't really ever listen to me. Sometimes it upsets me to think that my own family barely knows who I am..

    As for finding this perfect soulmate or prince charming...because of feeling so unheard, not understood, and not cared for..that's all I've ever wanted in a guy. Though it's funny because when I did settle on someone it was someone who made me laugh..but still didn't understand me. It's weird. Anyways, I feel like I am inclined to be attracted to someone who makes me happy, and makes me forget about everyone else...but I guess the happiness and giggles aren't enough..understanding is more important.

    I've had meltdowns for this very reason lately, just realizing that nobody understands me.

    You wrote this with really good timing again... just a few days ago I wrote pages and pages on something like this.

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